Maybe They’re Just Not Into You

Ah, the joys of finding love on the dance floor. Or should we say the lusty one night stand?

The word ‘love’ might be a little excessive for a few smooches, a shared portion of cheesy chips, and matching hangovers the next morning. 

Whatever you refer to it as, your one night stand was pretty into it last night. 

So why won’t they text you back today? Didn’t that deep chat you shared in the smoking area mean anything to them? 

If you’re wondering where it all went wrong, we’ve been there and we’ve done that. We relate. We know the pain. But, above all, we’re here to help. 

Calling hookup culture confusing would be a little bit of an understatement.

Whether you’re being ghosted, strung along, or wooed by your potential soulmate, we’ve come up with an experience-backed guide to help you figure out if your one night stand is genuinely into you.

1. They’ll arrange to see you (in a non-sexual context)

Be warned, this one isn’t as straightforward as it seems. 

You might think you’ve found the one if you wake up to a Snapchat add or an Insta follow. We’re sorry to break it to you – social media stalking doesn’t mean anything.

They probably have a soft spot for your physical appeal (if your antics last night didn’t make that clear enough). But if they’re looking for something beyond the skin-deep looks, they will try to break beyond the walls of your social media feeds. 

If they’re happy to carry on the convo but it never gets past asking when you’re next out, you should probably take that as a sign that they’re not that into you. 

And don’t try to kid yourself that it’s their nerves cockblocking them. If they’re forward enough to send you a fire emoji in response to the thirst trap you posted on your story, they’re confident enough to ask you out for dinner. 

2. They’ll be up-front with you (and you with them)

Let’s be clear, we’re not saying you should sit around waiting for them to make the first move. 

If you’re really into last night’s lover, why not be open about it? It might just push them into being more up-front with you.

The whole problem with one night stand culture is that it’s an endless guessing game. You don’t want to come off looking eager so you end up analyzing every move to figure out the underlying reasons behind it – even when there isn’t one.

We’re going to be brutally honest with you here.

Just because they made you breakfast or checked to see if you got home safe, it doesn’t mean they’re in love with you.

In the real world, they are just being friendly, polite or whatever you call people with manners nowadays.

They’re just being a decent human being – there are still some of them around, you know. If someone is really into you, they’ll do more than nice – but vague – gestures to let you know.

And you should try being similarly open with them. A bit of mystery is fun at first, but trust us when we say it soon loses its charm. 

3. Their body language will give it away (or will it?)

Analyzing body language is one of the most powerful tools you can have in your arsenal.

However, as with most things when it comes to romance, you can’t let yourself assume that it means more than it does.

This goes both ways. If your hookup is all touchy-feely with you in the club, they probably like you in a sexual context at the very least. If this isn’t reciprocated in less of a ‘rip your clothes off’ kind of scenario, that might mean they’re not feeling anything beyond a physical connection.

It’s not an exact science, so don’t spend the whole day crying in bed because you didn’t spoon – not everyone’s into the same physical contact level as you. 

Only take note of the really obvious things – avoiding eye contact in the morning, bristling whenever you touch them, refusing to chat or only making painfully awkward conversation – because these types of signs are harder to ignore, and are even backed up by a whole load of behavioural science research. 

Everything else depends on the preferences of the person. You can definitely take note of whether their body language is closed off when you meet outside the bedroom, but try not to jump to any conclusions unless they’re giving you crystal-clear coldness.

4. They talk about you behind your back

Not going to lie, our hearts definitely sank when we read this message.

It’s a tale as old as time – you hook up with a friend, it’s going great, then all of a sudden, none of your pals seem to want to talk about it. Kinda weird, right? 

There are a few factors at play here, namely torn loyalties and the obvious awkwardness that comes with being a romantic go-between.

But seriously, these are your friends. If they clam up at the mention of the other person’s name, there might be something a bit deeper going on.

There’s no need to get paranoid and assume that everyone’s suddenly talking about you.

But if your best mates suddenly disappear from the room as soon as you bring up the topic of your romantic rendez-vous, you probably need to take them to one side and ask what’s going on. 

5. They tell you how it is 

If only every drunken one night stand was like the guy in this story, the world would be a much simpler place.You know what they say, honesty is the best policy. This one’s about as straightforward as it comes.

If your hookup takes you aside and says they’re not feeling it, you might feel like the world’s ending, but we bet you’ll thank them for their honesty in the long run. 

Whether you’re chasing love or just enjoying the thrill of the chase, knowing where you stand with a romantic partner is never a bad thing – it might even cure that dreadful hangover.

*Names have been changed to protect the integrity of the interviewee.